HFNY 2014!

8 Replies to “HFNY 2014!”

1. Saturday Dec 29, 2012 Drove into camp, 3 ” on the ground to get our sleds ready, No deer tracks anywhere or up Rt 10. The noble beasts are all in the yards. On my way out Polak John, Mike and another unknown small suv (could have been digger) were partying hard at Mikes camp at 3PM. I heard on Dec. 21 there was a 15 ” snow pack and by Sunday, Dec 23 that warm rain wiped it all out. So from the start of huntin season to the end Dec 2012 we got a total of about 23 “.
   Last monday, Dec 30 they got 5 ” bring the total to 8″ on the ground for the start of 2014. Its snowing hard up there today (Jan 3 )
   Need a lot more to ride snowmobiles
   Polecat

2. I’m currently writing the new Ftroop cook book that you guys will need next year. I’ll do dishes once, like everyone else and be done with kitchen duties.

   I just may consider playing cards! 😮

   Digger, keep practicing on cracking those eggs, you’re gonna need it!
   Robba, you’ll need to somehow learn all the tricks that I’m not including in the cookbook.

   The food will never taste the same……Dinty Moore stew will now be a staple! 😉

3. Here’s a pre-release teaser of the new cook book!

   Page One:
   “F-Troop’s Luscious Lasagna”

   1 -Take some noodles, any kind it really won’t matter – and cook the shit right out of them till they’re about a mush-like-gruel consistency.
   2 – Cook a lot of onions. A LOT!
   3 – Place the mush in a pan.
   4 – Open one can Dinty Moore Stew, and spread evenly over the mushed noodles.
   5 – Place another layer of noodle mush, and add onions. A LOT!
   6 – Open another can of Dinty Moore Stew and repeat.
   7 – Heat oven to 500 degees, or hotter.
   8 – Cook until burnt to a crisp on both the bottom and top.
   Serve and Enjoy!

   F-troop’s famous “Planet Mercury Biscuits”

   This age old recipe is founded after the conditions present on the planet closest to the sun – Mercury – where the sunny side is +400 degrees and the shadow side is -400 degrees:

   1 – Turn on the oven to 500 or hotter- (sun temp)
   2 – Place biscuits on a rack with foil. Leave no space between biscuits. Brush biscuits with onion flavored oil.
   3 – Cook until burnt to a crisp on the bottom, and still ice cold raw on the top
   Serve and enjoy with copius amounts of onions!
   YUM-Yum!!!!!

   Soon to come in our continuing cook book on Page Two:
   “Dinty Moore scrambled eggs”, and
   “How to cook mule steaks so even the dog won’t eat them, and you can use them to reshingle the shitter” !

   UMMMM-um! 😉

   Page three will be awesome!

4. F Troop Cookbook – Page two:

   Ftroop’s “Succulent Scrumptious Scrambled Eggs”:

   1 – Open two eggs per person – including some shell fragments from each egg.
   2 – Mix it all up, add copious amounts of butter, oil , and whatever is left over from the night before.
   3 – Add one shot of So-Co.
   4 – Turn on high heat, add one can Dinty Moore beef stew.
   5 – Mix and heat until congealed into a mass that will make a turd.
   6 – Add 10 to 12 onions.

   Enjoy! 😉

   Ftroop’s “Homey-Homefries”:

   1 – Cut up potatoes, black spots, dirt, bugs, mouse shit, and all.
   2 – Soak (fully immerse) potatoes overnight in oil till fully absorbed, and mouse shit dissolves. Make sure you use old, stale, cheap vegetable oil. Important: Use one pair of hunting boots to keep oil soaked spuds immersed.
   3 – Cut into large pieces, 10 large onions. Maybe 12.
   4 – Pour more oil, then add one-half, to two pounds of butter in pan. Add oil.
   5 – Place onions next, with more oil into pan.
   6 – Cook over low heat till ALL oil is absorbed. Add more oil if needed.
   7 – Add one and one half can of Dinty Moore beef stew.
   8- Turn up heat till potatoes crisp, burn, and catch fire.
   9 – Drizzle with oil to extinguish fire, and serve with topped, cooked, burnt onions.
   (Reserve room in the shitter.)
   MMMM-mmm!

   Ftroop’s “Mega Meatloaf”:

   In a uncleaned grinder:
   1 – Grind mule skin, hair and tail. (If a buck is used, add balls and ears for flavor)
   2 – Grind mice, as trapped and collected. If no mice are available, substitute with several cigarette butts. Cigar butts are optional, but not necessary.
   3 – Look in the back of the fridge for anything blue or green, or moving. Add as necessary and adjust for flavor.
   4 – Add 10 to 12 large onions, make sure they’re cut in pieces to enhance flavor.
   5 – Combine this with leftover homefries, scrambled eggs, lasagna, and Leaddog’s underwear, and one of Spikes socks. Right or left will do.
   6 – Fold ingredients until well mixed.
   7- In a large pan, add oil. (10w30 synthetic)
   8 – Create an object from the mixing’s to what’s akin to a cinder block.
   9 – Top with a mixture of onions and one can of Dinty Moore Beef stew.
   10 – Cook at 500 degrees until both the bottom and top are burnt to a crisp.
   11- Serve with “Mercury Biscuits” and oiled onions.

   Ftroop’s “Great Good-Christ Gravy”! (Serves 10-12)

   1 – Mix one can Dinty Moore stew, one cup So-co, and moldy beer from the swill can.
   2 – Bring to a rolling boil, add some chopped onions, and oil.
   3- Whisk in one more can Dinty Moore beef stew until dissolved, with some more oil.
   4 – Cover and simmer till moldy beer and oil combines, and turns a light green color.
   5 – Serve generously over Mercury biscuits and Mega-Meatloaf!

   Ummm-ummm-um!

   Stay tuned for Page Three!

5. F Troop Cookbook Page Three!

   Ftroop’s “Mighty Magic Mule Shingle Steaks”

   1 – Find roadkilled mule or similar, remove any worms present. Save worms for step 2a
   1a – Pound out any tire tracks, remove rocks and let sit in sun for two hours.
   2 – Soak mule meat in a mixture of So-Co and Beer, with onions and oil. Ensure that grizzle and fat is present, for added flavor.
   2a – Rub generously into the mule, one can Dinty Moore Beef stew. Add worms from step 1.
   3 – Salt the shit right out of it – Ask Spike to help with this. 😉
   4 – Start a smokey fire of pine cones and pine bark. Use NO hardwood.
   5 – Add oil to the soaked, salted mule, then throw on fire for at least 45 minutes per side before turning. Add pine cones and pine pitch for added flavor.
   6 – Cook the shit right out of the mule, till it has the consistency and appearance of Spikes other sock, flavor is not a concern.
   7 – Cut up 10 to 12 onions, soak in oil and throw the sploosh directly on the fire. This will create a unique flavor when combined with steps 4 and 9.
   8 – When the fire is out, the mule is almost ready.
   9 – Take the mule and rub it with “a clam hung with a rusty nail on a tree”.
   10 – Remove shingles from the shitter, and replace such with mule pieces.
   11 – Eat shingles from the shitter.

6. Ftroop Cookbook Page Four

   Ftroop’s “Bouncy Cross the Creek Buckballs”

   This traditional fare of the camp utilizes special equipment and methods* to ensure that the finished product is ready for consumption:
   *Method – Billy’s Test

   Required: One snowshoe – traditional web and ash frame
   1 – Use recipe from “Mega Meatloaf”
   2 – Add one additional can Dinty Moore stew.
   3 – Add 10 -12 onions
   4 – Add 3 – 6 cups breadcrumbs (ask by radio for exact quantity required)
   5 – By hand, take one full handful of mixings, about softball size and compress the shit of it to the size of a golf ball, or smaller.
   6 – Cook at 578 degrees until the spheres are burnt to the degree of the Mercury Biscuits – sunny side.
   7 – Place in sauce (recipe to follow), simmer till 8 or 9 o’clock, or when Tobias get pissed.
   8 – Serve with sauce and pasta dejour.
   9 – Take one buckball, and snowshoe to piss porch.
   10 – *Method – Toss buckball in air, swing snowshoe, like A-Rod in the batters box, with the intent to propel said buckball over creek. If successful flight is obtained as planned, serve and enjoy!

   Ftroop’s “Secret Slimy Spaghetti Sauce”

   1 – Peel and cut 10 to 12 onions in pieces.
   2 – Cook peels and onions in large pot.
   3 – Add 3 cans Dinty Moore stew
   4 – Add any leftover cuisine from any previous meals
   5 – Add 3 -4 cans tomatoes, or similar
   6 – Stir in 1 cup So-Co, one cup beer.
   7 – Cook the shit right out of it, until a slight burnt aroma develops: 5 – 6 hours
   8 – Serve with any pasta on hand, preferably wheat. Cook pasta in the same manner as Luscious Lasagna noodles.

   MMM-mmmm-MMM!

7. What’s a cookbook without dessert recipes?!

   Following is the beginning of the dessert recipes. Any great meal is deserved of a fine dessert to finish! Especially after a hard day in the woods!

   Ftroop’s “Pie Allah Commode”

   (Pre-planning is a must to end up with this fine food fare!)

   1 – Five cans Dinty Moore stew. Cans must be left undisturbed for at least one full year in the sun on a windowsill to generate the desired results.
   2 – Three gallons vanilla ice cream – Ice cream must be left in fridge, through at least 10 freeze-thaw cycles.
   3 – Open carefully at both ends of the can, all of the stew.
   4 – Place the mass that comes out of the can onto a plate, without disturbing it an any manner.
   5 – There should be at least three distinct layers present, meat, fat, and an unknown.
   6 – Separate the fat layer from the others, which should be in a gelatinous form. Keep in one piece. Use the other two leftover phases for any dish in the cookbook as desired.
   7 – Take the ice cream which should be in the same condition – phase separation.
   8 – Remove the separate, lighter portion of the ice cream, as with step 6.
   9 – Combine the two now separated portions together, forming something that looks like Cannon threw up.
   10 – Whip until frothy.
   11 – Add onions as desired.

   Enjoy with a warmed So-Co toddy!

8. Dessert Recipes – continued.
   Ftroop’s “Cross the Creek Classic Cookies”

   Classic cookies from grandma’s kitchen, with a twist!

   1- Measure 2 cups flour, (sift out mouse shit – save for topping)
   2 – Open 1 can Dinty Moore Stew – any flavor.
   3 – Combine in large bowl, stew and flour.
   4- Mix in 1 “half-mug” of last nights left over beer, and 2 shots So-Co.
   5 – Add 2 pounds butter, and any left over “Homey Homefries”.
   6 – Mix until combined.
   7 – Cut 2 large onions into small pieces, combine with sifted mouse shit. Set aside.
   8 – On a axle greased sheetpan, scoop out a serving of batter with a mouse trap. Leave caught mouse if present, for added flavor enhancement.
   9- Turn oven to 654 degrees, place pan with future “cookies” in oven.
   10- Cook until consistency of Mercury Biscuits is obtained.
   11- After cooling, place a dollop of topping (onions and mouse shit) on each cookie.
   12- If you make it TO the creek without either shitting yer pants, or puking like Cannon, you’re good to go!